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Blog
05/28/2025
Let's get philosophical for a moment. I suck major ass at guitar. The worst thing is I've played guitar as a hobby for more than 10 years. And while I think bass is super cool, it makes me sad that I suck at guitar. Full five stages of grief in one day. But on the other hand, I really want to be good at something, perhaps even exceptional. So I'm going full bass. Maybe if I learn a thing or two from bass, I'll get better at playing guitar. I think I need a priority to set: is it going to be job, fitness, or music? I am going to try my best at all of them, but fitness will be my no. 1 priority. The reason is because I kind of need to be in shape in order to get a better job.
The second insight is the amount of philosophical fluff I've been able to come up with at night. I realised that I used to hate my country because I did not know that much about it. But the more I know my country, the more I can understand and therefore I am not as resentful as I used to be. I was actually surprised that I came up with this as about 90% of my thoughts come from the internet. I hate to admit it, but it's true.
05/26/2025
Today I woke up feeling ill. So the things I wanted to do today will have to wait till I get better. In the meantime I binge watched the entire season 3 of the Peep Show.
Yesterday I got a message on Messenger from a friend asking me to hang out. But by the time I got to check the message, he had already gone out. I guess that's one of the disadvantages of not being chronically online.
In case I won't need to use a smartphone for my job, I guess I'll continue being disconnected and see where it goes. A few days ago I got asked if my 'dumbphone' can access internet, Whatsapp, Maps and what not. They looked horrified when they heard I can only make calls and text. I mean I don't blame them. I've been a smartphone user for at least half of my life. I don't remember times when people walked the streets not glued to the screens in their hand either.
05/25/2025
I went for a run just to get some fresh air. It's crazy how many thoughts run through your head at the night when you don't watch YouTube. It got up to a point that I wanted to get up and hop on YouTube for a few minutes. Like a child wanting a pacifier hah.
05/24/2025
Even though I've been telling myself that I will get rid of all my bad habits since Covid hit, I feel like I am still stuck at square one. None of the self-help books I've read made me a better person.
But the thing is, nobody is going to help me but myself. If I just keep reading these books without taking any action, nodding in agreement with every advice and patting myself on the back for nothing, I am just deluding myself. I think Irwine Welsh summed it to perfection in Trainspotting:
“The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.”
How am I gonna take action? Commit to meditations, like big time. I'm going all in: deleting all video games. They don't do me any good anyway. Then reduce screen time. Then socialize. That's what I'm gonna do. 90 days full commitment. Then I can choose whether to go back or continue. That's what I'm gonna do.
05/23/2025
After more than 10 years of playing guitar I did the unthinkable: I bought a bass! The problem is I don't know anyone who would be willing to play with me.
I have written so many blogs but I wasn't happy with any of them. So I decided to stop caring and that's why this blog is mainly html and few lines of CSS only. The Chinese call this can't-be-bothered state as Wu Wei 無爲. Maybe I've been caring so much about everything and it's time to just let go.
05/21/2025
After a bit of a videogame binge I'm back on track baby! Recently I found a full-time job. After 6 months of being rejected over and over again.
The key take of today is that now that my phone is broken I am actually more productive without it. I think it has to do with the fact that while smartphones do have smart banking, bus tickets and navigation, it has become plagued with apps trying to grab your attention. In other words, it has become so convenient that it is inconvenient.
P.S. I have to post more often.
05/13/2025
I'm 26 already, but I don't feel like it at all. People my age used to already have small children, paying their mortgage and working on their career. I haven't even started yet. On the other note, after spending the last three months learning to do programming and reading books, I found out I actually want to get better at playing guitar, meditating, going to the gym and writing/translating books. This is my life purpose now and as cliché as it sounds, maybe journey is the destination
05/08/2025
Today marks the end of the WWII. Hands down, there will never be another brave generation as the one who fought in war.
Truth be told, the only thing I did in my life was playing video games and studying dilligently. None of the things will truly prepare you for the real life. But that makes it all the more purposeful. I have always struggled with finding my purpose, so I guess I'll have to reread Dr. Frankl's book to get back on track. Maybe figuring out what I want from my life is a good foundation.
05/07/2025
I got back on track with the Udemy Web Development Course and now I'm doing JavaScript. Other than that, still no job prospects. But I might be getting close this time...
05/05/2025
After a short break of indulging in alcohol and porn I ask myself: is it really worth it? Since I'm still unemployed I don't even feel like searching for a job anymore. But I am still going to the gym at least once a week.
05/01/2025
I read three books in April. The Fellowship of the Ring, Eugene Onegin and Othello. I think I even improved my reading a bit because of meditation. And mainly because I focused on the process of reading and not reading in order to have a book finished and brag about it.
04/30/2025
James Clear writes about the Atomic Habits in his book of the same name. Basically our life boils down to the habits and the systems that we create. Even if we improve only a bit every day, in the long run we improve a lot. So, out of all the habits I want to return to, I think meditation is a clear winner as far as the foundation is concerned. Meditate everyday for at least 5 minutes, that is the goal.
04/29/2025
Today I found out that I no longer enjoy World of Warcraft. The reason might shock you. I think I never really liked the game in the first place. I never lived through that moment and I only picked it up because of the hype. I thought I would make some friends there, but it only left me feeling more isolated from the world.
04/28/2025
Choose your friends wisely. They will either help you accomplish things you've always dreamt of or bring you down. So far I only had the luck on the second kind of friendships.